On the positive: I have great room mates theyre totally awesometastically fun and chill. I have a new kitty friend named sonic. Drew and I had our 6 month anniversary... may the next six not suck as much! Cheers!
I dont know where im going with all this stupid babble so ill shut up now... later
You know something is wrong.
When the grass around you sings louder than your spirit
You know you left something behind
When its 100 degrees and you are freezing
You know that loneliness has set in
I have the beats jamming away in my mind
But my ears are empty as my mailbox
I keep telling myself everything is going to be ok
But my ships hull is underwater
The voices echo throughout my memories
Of when life was full of optimism
But nobody seems to understand
They've all lost their voices
What are you when you dont know where you are
Who are the people who know who they are
Where am I going?
Why can't I say whats really hurting me
You can't be my friend if you can't tell me my favorite color
You can't be my friend if you can't translate this
You can't be blessed with my curtsy
You can't appreciate the good things in life
In the light of day examine every glisten
That portrays itself thru every passing minute
Of every hour of every day just sit down an listen
To all the pieces that are indoubtedly missin'
The picture painted on the walls in the mind
Where love and generosity are everso devine
Wrapping and winding up every inch of spine
That holds it together for that one lucky find
So thick so pure like the oceans drop of water
But like Nature its impossible to have caught her
Twisted in the faith of love like the holy father
Thoughts of bliss, tempted to never bother
When it comes the bones fall to the floor
The shell still standing, faltering at the door
Every nerve and hair shivering to the core
Then its gone and it wishes to have more
I want to jump, jump as high as I can leap!
Lifted with my soul by this wholesome ecstacy!
With the thought of you theres no stopping me
Because you've become my everything
My everything I let go in the light of day
Because there is really nothing I have to say
With my thoughts a clutter feet stuck in the clay
If I want you as mine there must be another way
Mind Battles
By: Christine Pinkerton
Too many years to ask the questions why…
Criminally insane!.....
Not medicated!.......
Stop picking my brain!
ILL SNAP!!!
Smoke weed and think:
What if tomorrow didn't exist?
Today would last forever…
In a dream of costly decisions weighing out just below empty
Battling fantasy and my conscious…Questioning life or death….
I LIVE!
Never looking down head to the sky,
Smile even when I wanna cry.
Saying I'm ok when I'm not,
Forgetting monsters I have fought.
Letting down my demons and putting up a wall,
You can't hurt me, you'll only make me stronger,
You can push me but I'm already down…
Climbing out of a hole I'm not a falling plane.
Plants grow towards the light… What if there was no light?
I create my own world, I'm building new additions to my world.
Everyday is a struggle, the past few have been great.
I found a sparkle in the water that made me smile.
Thinking I'm invincible to the powers of the ocean.
Wrong was I caught by an undertow…
Sucked the life right out!
Confused by this new force…
Another scale such as my mother, tough as a lion she is and grips my mind……
So does he…. Who is he?... who is me?... who are they does anyone know?
Curious, scared, but interested, addicted, infatuated, I love it.
Gravity once had me now:
I FLY!
You can't know me down
I'd like to see you try
Laughing builds my soul
My very existence
My tolerance to negative causes.
I LAUGH!
And I feel good
That's all I want:
To feel at peace with myself,
Undisturbed and calm
I wanna settle for once
Not be mixed up and crazy
I like freedom
I wanna stay free
From guilt
From pain
From my past
I wanna be here and now
Not yesterday or tomorrow.
Yesterday hurt
Tomorrow frightens me.
One day will happen
I can't predict the future
I can only work on every minute that builds the foundation
That will hold up the days to come.
Where do I start or pick up where I left off?
My patience has become infinite
I'll always be here waiting.
For what?
I'm not sure
But surprises are cool
My body temperature is warm but my feet stay cold…
Cold as thought my heart once was.
The pain
the endurance
that holds that feeling
And the next's days absence of life
Its making me insane
Walking around with 2 extra existences in my thoughts
2 that meant nothing….
But meant the world to my esteem…
….I cancelled them,
….I cancelled a part of me
….I created space in my brain for a
NO VACANCY
Possible to be caught but rarely maintained,
I'll hide from the fire….
….And dance with the rain
it's like tears, my release, my friend.
But I guess in the end…
Surrendering to mind battles that no one ever wins, but….
I LEARN
This too shall pass,
Head to the sky
And love my life
Because I created it
I need a change
a break
set free
never to be in blender
like here and now
fuckin strange I am
and mixed
like he said "lets tear it apart"
Break it down
and construct again
obsessive compulsive
I found a glitch
Start again
I know when somethings wrong
with me
with you
my body
my mind
Im not right
and no one has the answers
like confusion hill
too hard to hike
Im failing
its like having a problem tying my shoes
I think its secure
and I fall to the ground again.
Who are you thinking I am?
give me a suggestion 'cause I have no idea
you never try to change me
but Im always thinking of possibilities
of life
of the end
maybe you
maybe me
we are so strong
but theres got to be a weak spot in this joint
I need one...
A joint that is...
Can you translate any of this?
Do you understand what Im screaming in my head?
I cant quite put into words whats really inside me
but it hurts
It blasts my esteem
and makes me crazy
I think too much
and you do too!!!
If I fall will you catch me?
or let me hit the ground
then tell me what I did wrong?
You're not the bad guy
Im a corrupted freak
with ptsd
and paranoia
I fear failing
I fear rejection
and I fear every breath after the next...
I don't know what Im getting at here
but its making me feel better
better than the stupid crazy moody bitch Ive been
whatever the fuck is going on..
it sucks
it needs to end quick
its effecting my GOD DAMN JU JU!!!!!!!!!
- Mood:
contemplative
- Mood:accomplished
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pinkertonmeyea- mibandit
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